Rules for visiting a nude beach
The website Travel-Ticker.com recently conducted its annual summer intentions survey, and asked the following: If you were given the chance to do one crazy activity while on vacation that you wouldn’t attempt at home, what would it be?
Some 27 per cent of respondents chose skinny-dipping — and of that group, 67 per cent were age 51 or older. Boomers may give the world the false impression that they spend most of their waking hours blissfully posting photos of their grandchildren and their cats on Facebook. But beneath the guise of grandmotherhood, cat ownership, scrapbooking and couponing there lurks the same wild and crazy desires that created Woodstock, Monterey and love beads. Boomers want nothing more than to fling off their comfort shoes, their sensible bras and their high-waisted pants and snatch back a moment of their glory days.
So, boomers, toss aside that dog-eared copy of Fifty Shades of Grey and stop nagging your husband to turn your kid’s now-vacated bedroom into a Red Room of Pain. (The kid may not appreciate shackles bolted to the wall next to his Redskins poster when he comes back for spring break.) There’s an easier way to get your kicks that won’t alienate your kids or cause you mental anguish in department-store dressing rooms: Pack your suitcase and head directly for a nude beach.
If the above paragraph has you thinking that you’d rather spend your day posting kitty shots on Facebook, fear of judgment may be at work. Do not fear being judged. Most nude beaches are populated by couples and most of them have real bodies just like you. Beautiful people, especially beautiful single people, as a rule, do not generally frequent nude beaches. They are often on the regular beach, prancing around in tiny little bathing suits so that other people look at them and imagine what must be under the scraps of fabric they are wearing. The truth is that a partially covered body is far more seductive than full frontal nudity.
I am pretty sure that more people than you might suspect have been to nude beaches. Your friendly mailman, your manicurist, your best friend are all suspect. Nude beachgoers and nude beaches are everywhere. Of course, you can fly off to any one of a number of gorgeous warm weather resorts. But you have the option of staying closer to home. For example, there is a nude beach in Duluth, Minnesota (seriously). And, since the average temperatures in Duluth are lower than Mitt Romney’s income tax rate, you’ll have plenty of room to spread out your blanket.
So, if you are convinced that a nude beach is for you, here are a few handy tips for a successful nude beach vacation:
• If you see someone on a ridge overlooking the nude beach and he has a camera with a telephoto lens, do not decide at that moment to play a game of nude volleyball. You may find yourself spread across the pages of a travel magazine, and worse, the photo will show you completely missing a shot.
• If you are on a nude beach in Guadeloupe and a ravishing young (and fully clothed) creature is walking up and down the beach selling expensive Cleopatra-style upper-arm bracelets shaped like gold serpents, do not buy one. You will arrive back home and realize that the arm bracelet looks even sillier when you are clothed than it did when you were nude.
• If someone suggests that there is a great place to snorkel, don’t blindly follow them without making sure that you aren’t passing beyond the perimeter of the resort. You may find yourself naked, surrounded by people wearing swimsuits and some of the swimmers have now climbed trees to watch you, and you can’t remember how to get back to the resort.
Armed with this advice, your nude beach experience should be a great success. You may contact this writer for more tips or for a good deal on a gold serpent arm bracelet.
With two friends, Renee Fisher is the author of Invisible No More: The Secret Lives of Women Over 50. See invisiblenomore.com.