Oldest performing clown dies
Could there possibly be a better name for the world’s oldest clown than ‘Creeky’? I don’t think so.
Funny thing is, the nickname did not emanate from his arthritic knees or his achy, breaky back. Floyd “Creeky” Creekmore was 98 when he passed away a year ago at his home in Billings, Montana. Honoured to be listed in the Guinness World Records as The World’s Oldest Performing Clown, Creeky was still making ‘em laugh at 95 years of age.
A former cattle rancher, he traded the saddles and spurs for the rubber nose and orange wig in the 1980s and he never looked back ... except for that time the lion got loose and mistook Creeky for lunch.
Creeky cut back considerably on circus appearances after his 96-year-old wife Betty passed away. Falling for the whoopee cushion trick more than 3,000 times, her nickname was ‘Betty The Boomer.’
Creeky joined the Shriner’s Circus performing in big top acts, making personal appearances, electrifying kids’ parties and walking thousands of miles in Shriner’s parades to raise money for hospitals. The man with the white face and red lips liked to say he ran away with the circus when he was 12 but the police made him bring it back.
I can imagine what the funeral of the world’s oldest clown would look like. Outside the funeral home the American flag would be flown at half-mast just like the zippers of the clowns who attended.
Approximately 150 professional clowns would attend Creeky’s funeral and they would all arrive in the same hearse. Mourners would give them a standing ovation for the best clown car stunt ever!
At the end of the tribute, a loud explosion would send Marvin The Human Cannonball flying high and inelegantly over the funeral procession. This would be the highlight of the burial ritual until it ended badly in a death spiral at a Tim Horton’s Drive-Thru four blocks away.
Inside the funeral home Creeky would have been sealed inside a closed coffin right up until Mandrake The Magician found a way to open it in under 10 seconds.
They struggled and Lord knows they meant well but the fact is the coffin with Creeky inside would crash to the ground several times when several of the clown pallbearers tripped over their floppy shoes.
Somewhere in the funeral home a diminutive fortune teller named Esmeralda would mysteriously disappear prompting the public address announcer to warn guests that there was a small medium at large.
The younger performers in the crowd of mourners were told they had big shoes to fill but really when it comes to replacing clowns, who doesn’t? A mime delivered Creeky’s eulogy. It went on for three days.
Creeky had been a dedicated clown. He wore polka-dot pants and a pointy hat, a bow tie and really loud socks so his feet wouldn’t fall asleep. He’d suffered all the bad jokes that come with the bulbous nose and the long eyelashes - “What’s the red gooey stuff between the elephant’s toes called? A slow clown.”
The people, they looked up to Creeky but mostly when he was walking on stilts. He loved it when the circus went on the road but he never much liked rooming with Mister Extinguo - “The man who put out fires with phlegm!”
Creeky The Clown brought joy and laughter to millions of people. And what did Creeky ask for in return? As the minister who presided over the funeral of ‘Chuckles The Clown’ said: “A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.”
So long Creeky and give St. Peter a wedgie for us all.
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